Jealous is an immature emotion and refers to negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love.
I was a kid when I felt this primary emotion. Thriving and competing with our grandmother’s attention. Grandmother’s love is intoxicating with all the concentrated attention of care. She buys everything that we wanted, spoiling us that even the impossible things that we thrive to acquire, she gave it all. Actually, the competition began when my brother was born. I am envious competing with my brother because of his feebleness that makes him more vulnerable to almost everything.
He was born with poor eyesight, his eyeballs are irregularly shaped like an egg, thus reading and seeing clearly makes it very difficult for him. Every time he eats, our grandmother debones the meat. Every time we go to church or any event, my brother was always on her side, clutching him like a baby. The attention already focused on him and mine to minimal.
One night when my brother was watching one hand away from the television screen, I asked him to change the channel. He refused and smirked at me. With all the deposits of enviousness and anger, I went blackout that all I could see was the bowl on my hands and I raised it and "wham" hit him right on his head! Luckily, he wasn't injured. "Hey, your head is hard as a concrete!"
Clearly, I was a kid and I didn't understand his condition. Jealous is envious.
When I grew up, I became a serious friend. Being a friend goes along with jealousy. The attention grabbing and camaraderie affects relationships.
One time, I was resentfully jealous when my friend treats someone out for a special occasion. When they came back, I bolted... "Why are you treating her that way? Why didn't you asked me to come along? I was just here and you disregarded me? Ignored me?"
There came another situation when I flared to a friend because our regular routine friendship activities turned from me to another person (she found another comrade). "Why do you visit that person, chat with her frequently, laughing out voraciously when you can just come here and be with me? When you're depressed and lonely, you always come up to me before, and we cried, and we laughed, and we go crazy as if we don't care what the world thinks of us. Now, you just forget me?!
Whew! Jealous is also angst!
Then I became a lover, a perilous lover of a booming relationship. At first, the relationship went smooth. I can feel the affection is all mine. The drum throbbing of my heart only hears him. His fondness, his voice caress, his pats and soft touches on my shoulder makes my heart go rolling and jumping. Then one day, I saw him sitting beside another girl, and they eat together, sitting close with each other, and talking and flirting as if he doesn't see me.
I became silent, cold, and ignorant pretending I didn’t see him. I thought the message is clear, but, hey, he reciprocated! I felt a knife repeatedly stabbing my heart, bleeding, and out crying.
Then I decided to change my approach tomorrow. Morning came and I saw him at the hallway. I greeted, “hey, what’s up”! Then we had a chat, blah, blah, blah. It’s just like nothing happened.
Came another day, I found out that he gave chocolates to other girls and he didn't even gave me one. I stormed at his place and confronted him. "What am I too you? Why do you give chocolates to ....blah blah blah"... and at the middle of our fight, I remembered telling him that I am allergic to chocolates! Stupid of me!
Jealous is desirous. I desired for his everything and I didn't want anybody to share with it.
The aftermath of the experiences that I had with this mystical jealousy that easily arises from me, it's crystal clear that it makes me do something horrible and immature. An impulsive reaction.
But I won’t sulk into it. Everyone deserves a second chance. I’ll try to think before I’ll act.
Good luck to me.
Hmm! Jealous!
(This was my experience when I was 10 years old, surely my brother and I are in great relationship ^-^)
I was a kid when I felt this primary emotion. Thriving and competing with our grandmother’s attention. Grandmother’s love is intoxicating with all the concentrated attention of care. She buys everything that we wanted, spoiling us that even the impossible things that we thrive to acquire, she gave it all. Actually, the competition began when my brother was born. I am envious competing with my brother because of his feebleness that makes him more vulnerable to almost everything.
He was born with poor eyesight, his eyeballs are irregularly shaped like an egg, thus reading and seeing clearly makes it very difficult for him. Every time he eats, our grandmother debones the meat. Every time we go to church or any event, my brother was always on her side, clutching him like a baby. The attention already focused on him and mine to minimal.
One night when my brother was watching one hand away from the television screen, I asked him to change the channel. He refused and smirked at me. With all the deposits of enviousness and anger, I went blackout that all I could see was the bowl on my hands and I raised it and "wham" hit him right on his head! Luckily, he wasn't injured. "Hey, your head is hard as a concrete!"
Clearly, I was a kid and I didn't understand his condition. Jealous is envious.
When I grew up, I became a serious friend. Being a friend goes along with jealousy. The attention grabbing and camaraderie affects relationships.
One time, I was resentfully jealous when my friend treats someone out for a special occasion. When they came back, I bolted... "Why are you treating her that way? Why didn't you asked me to come along? I was just here and you disregarded me? Ignored me?"
There came another situation when I flared to a friend because our regular routine friendship activities turned from me to another person (she found another comrade). "Why do you visit that person, chat with her frequently, laughing out voraciously when you can just come here and be with me? When you're depressed and lonely, you always come up to me before, and we cried, and we laughed, and we go crazy as if we don't care what the world thinks of us. Now, you just forget me?!
Whew! Jealous is also angst!
Then I became a lover, a perilous lover of a booming relationship. At first, the relationship went smooth. I can feel the affection is all mine. The drum throbbing of my heart only hears him. His fondness, his voice caress, his pats and soft touches on my shoulder makes my heart go rolling and jumping. Then one day, I saw him sitting beside another girl, and they eat together, sitting close with each other, and talking and flirting as if he doesn't see me.
I became silent, cold, and ignorant pretending I didn’t see him. I thought the message is clear, but, hey, he reciprocated! I felt a knife repeatedly stabbing my heart, bleeding, and out crying.
Then I decided to change my approach tomorrow. Morning came and I saw him at the hallway. I greeted, “hey, what’s up”! Then we had a chat, blah, blah, blah. It’s just like nothing happened.
Came another day, I found out that he gave chocolates to other girls and he didn't even gave me one. I stormed at his place and confronted him. "What am I too you? Why do you give chocolates to ....blah blah blah"... and at the middle of our fight, I remembered telling him that I am allergic to chocolates! Stupid of me!
Jealous is desirous. I desired for his everything and I didn't want anybody to share with it.
The aftermath of the experiences that I had with this mystical jealousy that easily arises from me, it's crystal clear that it makes me do something horrible and immature. An impulsive reaction.
But I won’t sulk into it. Everyone deserves a second chance. I’ll try to think before I’ll act.
Good luck to me.
Hmm! Jealous!
(This was my experience when I was 10 years old, surely my brother and I are in great relationship ^-^)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI think it'll give much impact if you twist your ending adding you + the person who makes your heart go rolling and jumping..
ReplyDeletewhat can you say?
Wow, that's a nice comment, but since I have conflict with my previous beloved, I cannot convey the name. :-)
ReplyDelete